What is Love?

                                                                      what is love?

what does it look like, what does it feel like?

how does it speak? how does it handle its companion,

how does love argue, how does love swallow it pride and love inspite of,

how does love bear its pain, carry its burdens, how does love forgive,

how does love move on?

I thought the experience I had was love

but is love really love when one person loves more than the other?

when one person is willing to jump to the moon

and the other doesnt want to be caused any stress?

does love cry an hurt and then get right back up

for another possible blow to the heart.

does love ever see its trembling heart ripped to a million peices

and its ego cracked on the grown and spit on

and still pick it back up and continue to love?

does love endure constant disrespect?

does love stay around even when its ignored?

does love ever feel that its companion doesnt value its worth?

does love stay even when all signs say it should go?

does love ever get lonely, does love ever cling,

does love ever beg its companion to stay,

does love ever say thats enough

, does love ever stand up and say this isnt right!?

I jus wanna noe if what Im living in does love even have a part of?

does love know me?

are we distant cousins or are we companions I cant tell anymore

. because Id like to think that i love

but I dont kno if love loves me back.

so what is love?

That kind of Man

i want a man that helps me grow and wants to grow with me.. i want a man that loves god and has values that resemble integrity motivation and sometype of concern or humility for others. i want a man that values a womans opinion, a man hu gives as well as recieves, i want a man that feels most accomplished by his own efforts rather than using someone else. i want a man that is sensetive to my feelings and has conversations with me. someone hu is engaged in convo, i want a man hu cares wen im hurt esp if he hurt me and wants to fix that, i want a man that is honest and loyal (integrity) i want a man that is proactive or thinks before he makes descisions that affect other people, i want a man i can have an intellectual convo with and has a sense of  humor. i want a man that is not immediate and to advancing with his sexuality, a man that respect what i have to offer apart from sex i want a man that will respect my decision to refrain from sex but makes clear that he is attracted to me in deeper ways. i want a man thats into me that wants to spend time with me that gives me his full attention wen it is he and i. i want a man that is the same wen hes with his friends and wen hes with me.i want a man that aspires to be something and a man thats anger doesnt get the best of him. i want a man that repects my friends and my time with my friends and never asks me to choose cuz he will never have to. i want a man that does nt control bt simply states hw he feels about things. i want a man that embraces who i am called to be n christ and supports the nourishment of that person and doesnt ask me to be different then wat god has called me to be. I want a man that wants to help me and eventually support me financially, emotionally and in marriage. when i fall in love again it will be what I value and what I deserve.

OCT 5th Rant

sometimes I feel intense without a recent interaction with something supernatural. sometimes my emptiness fills with me everything i need to continue. Sometime I sit back and survey the world and feel the power that God gives to us small earthly people. sometimes i remember that the world doesnt revolve around me, sometime i step outside of myself long enough to know that my pain is nothing compared to the persecutions that some people encounter. The world i am expected to thrive, grow and succeed in is greatly flawed. racism, sexism, classism, full of greed. but there are pockets. pockets of love and refuge. so that we as humans can push through this flawed society believing that we have a chance. its seems as though death and destruction and greed are winning that it triumphs over good and what is pure. But the blessed thing is I know that Christ is the everything and the only that can and will set this place straight and restore what is good. He will reclaim his throne. We always end state the hope that christ gives us because though we as humans still get anxious and run through a million and five emotions we trust and know that Christ is the master plan and he doesn't break a sweat.

Severe Compromise

They say "it is better to have loved than to not love at all".
 I say its better to have severed ties than to compromise.
Compromise your joy, your worth.
 To be with a man who constantly demeans it.
fighting for you is a losing battle, cuz your only in it for yourself,
You played me out again, what else is new,
 youve been doing this since i met you,
 you implied that Im the fool and shes the default.
 So it seems she wins over me because I stand up for whats right,
 I call you out on whats wrong and I demand better from you.
but you dont want better to come out of you,
 because honesty, loyalty, trust and care dont fit in your plan to "just have fun".
truth is I dont fit in your strategy to "just live your life"
 there you are taking advantage of life, love and liesure.
 While I check to see if my already shattered heart is still beating.
 My foolish pride wants me to be a fighting fool
. Just to prove Im ridin for you.
But truth be revealed its never been a matter whether or not i was ridin for you
. the annual question has always been cn you be true?
 can you live up to the commitments you so freely lets slip from your lips?
only to later justify your dissapointing slips,
all the love thats been dissed and the positive growing experiences that have been missed.
 What is it that I say I see in you?
Cuz the titanium that seals me to you currently feels like an anchor
 weighing me down. all pain with no true gain.
Coming from this side of the field;
 I say it is better to have severed ties than to compromise